Greetings from Neverland

historicaltimes:

Queen Fawzia Fuad of Iran and Princess of Egypt, c. 1939.

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fashion-runways:

VALENTINO Pre-Fall 2016

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fripperiesandfobs:

Day dress, 1860′s

From the Museo de la Moda via the Museo del Romanticismo on Twitter

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micdotcom:

Watch: Alicia Keys delivers stunning poem about gender and racial equality to honor MLK

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copperbadge:

fadburger:

copperbadge:

I am having an awesome time at Disney – we did Epcot on Tuesday, including Spaceship Earth, Ellen’s Energy Adventure (I wonder if Bill Nye feels bad about or if he was just like BILL NYE GOTTA GET PAID YO, SCIENCE AIN’T CHEAP) and like at least three times on Mission To Mars or whatever it’s called where simulated G-forces make you feel like your ribcage is eating your internal organs. Also we went on the new Frozen ride, which is spectacular but also very, very short. You do go down a waterfall backwards in a simulacrum of a viking longboat, however.

Yesterday we went to Magic Kingdom where I made everyone go on the Haunted Mansion twice in a row because it’s my favorite ride maybe in the history of ever, and we went on the Mine Train and the big log flume ride, but kids.

Siblings.

Ancestors.

We as a culture – nay, we as a species – need to talk about the Country Bear Jamboree.

I have developed a theory about the Country Bear Jamboree. My theory about the Country Bear Jamboree is that it is both a necessary and a terrifying exorcism ritual which protects the Magic Kingdom, and perhaps all of humanity, from suffering the wrath of dark, dire forces.

Stay with me. Country Bear Jamboree bills itself as an animatronic concert filled with bears who sing and dance and play various down-country style instruments. Grand Ole Opry with animatronic bears. That’s not the mystical part.

At one point, about two thirds of the way into the performance, a soloist bear on a guitar comes out and sings a forgettable country song about something, but right at the end, after he’s taken his “bow”, you hear sudden drumbeats, and green light begins to flash rhythmically behind him. There are no other drums in any of the performances. The bear begins to sway to the drumbeats, and then the curtain falls quickly.

It’s very weird.

But then another bear appears, with a very out of tune blues guitar, and he sings a song. It’s a song that may actually exist in folk music canon; I’m pretty sure I’ve heard it before and may have sung it at some folkie get together or other. The song is about how there was blood in the water, blood in the sand, blood all around, blood on the ground. I think it’s about an old-timey murder. 

It’s just one chorus or verse. But it’s very unsettling. There is nervous tittering from the audience, including me. Between the drumbeats and the song about OH MY GOD SO MUCH BLOOD, my ears were pricking a little and my what the hell alarm was going off.

Then the concert just…continues.

UNTIL, at one point, SERIAL KILLER BLUES BEAR comes back to SING THE BLOOD SONG AGAIN and literally every other bear in the performance appears out of whatever animatronic locker they keep them in, and all the bears all sing their individual songs to drown him out in a cacophony of country crooning.

And that’s the grand finale!

We walked out of the Country Bear Jamboree wide-eyed, and I immediately turned to my companions and went, “The fuck was that?” Only it was Disney so in concern for The Children I said “The heck was that?”

But I’ve worked it out.

Everyone who works at Disney is super cheerful and I think the vast majority of them actually mean it, which is a little bewildering to me. People clearly don’t HAVE to wish me happy birthday when they see my IT’S MY BIRTHDAY button, but they do. And so many of them, at eleven at night, seemed joyous to stand on the sidewalk and wave us goodbye as we left. People seem to love to work at Disney and while I don’t think that in itself is weird, the level of good cheer in what must be a very frustrating customer service job is startling. I commend them for it, I’m just confused by it.

So I have a theory. And my theory is this: Country Bear Jamboree is a swirling vortex of evil. The extra darkness, the crankiness, the ill-humor that normally one would develop working at Disney, and indeed perhaps some of the exhausted ire and weariness that people might develop just attending the Disney parks (Meltdown Hour is apparently around 6:30 for toddlers) is sucked down into Frontierland. It seeps through the dusty streets of a fake frontier America, and it enters the Country Bear Jamboree. It is absorbed into this one, brave, robot bear, who takes the evil into himself and sings his mournful song. And then, with drumbeats and singing, the evil is drowned out by the other bears, banished to some ether, an other-world whose only glimpse into ours is through the parks of the Wizard, Disney, whose fierce hairy country-folk guardians forever keep it locked away.

Woe betide us should the Country Bear Jamboree ever leave the Magic Kingdom. Misfortune unto us should the bears fall silent. The bears must sing, or God or Disney must have mercy on our souls.

What did you uncover in the swamplands, Walt?

Explain Disneyland then lol

I’m pretty sure the death of Country Bear Jamboree at Disneyland is the explanation for the horror that is 2016.

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luxuryaccommodations:

Masseria Trapanà

A 16th-century fortified farmhouse converted into a wonderful 9-suite hotel, Masseria Trapanà sits quietly in rural Puglia, just outside the beautiful Baroque city of Lecce. Surrounded by themed gardens and sixty hectares of olive groves, the property makes for an atmospheric countryside retreat.

The minimalist rooms and suites retain their stunning architectural features while mixing modern technology with eye-catching antiques. Most units boast private courtyards, vaulted ceilings, and delightful outdoor baths, and some of them preserve their original fireplaces.

Special features include an ancient chapel and a beautiful swimming pool area with daybeds, but cooking and yoga classes can also be arranged. The masseria can be rented as a private villa on a weekly basis.

TripAdvisor

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frosty-smosh:

iwantineedthebooty:

bronzewitch30928:

appropriately-inappropriate:

starcrossedcherik:

bootleg-firework:

shrinking-ulzzang:

rabid-logan:

barbie-isalive:

This is very important if you’re ever in a situation similar this pretend that you’re dead don’t scream and @#!*%

my dad told us this if someone shoots up our school

SUPER IMPORTANT

BEST TIP

PLEASE REMEMBER THIS

not even a joke we learned this in Police Explorers and put it on your clothing as well but go quickly because you don’t know where the person is.

This is what school children in America are taught.
That is so wrong on so many fucking levels and there are still people who believe gun control in any form is a bad thing.

let me reiterate
SCHOOL CHILDREN IN A SUPPOSEDLY FIRST WORLD COUNTRY ARE TAUGHT THE SAME THINGS AS PEOPLE IN ACTIVE WAR ZONES BECAUSE THE THREAT OF BEING KILLED IN A SHOOTING IS SO HIGH.

the bit in caps here is making me rethink my stance on gun control 

shit

I’m reblogging this because as my follower count goes up, the odds of this saving a life do too.

My elementary school had drills telling us what to do in such an emergency. This is exactly what they told us. AND NOW FOR A FACT: IN CALIFORNIA YOU DO NOT HAVE TO REGISTER A SHOTGUN!

I live in America, and I was only taught to hide and be quiet. I had to learn this on Tumblr. If one more person says that technology is ruining children, they best shut the hell up because this could be saving lives

We had more lockdown drills at school than we did fire drills…

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hotglamourizer:

Zuhair Murad – Fall / Winter 2015_2016

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thursdayplaid:

aufanficfanatic said: Isn’t it like, 14 or something?  I dunno man, educate me. 

I’m so glad you asked @aufanficfanatic because I have so much to say!

In upper classes the children were considered the property of the family, so they married whenever the parents wanted them too.  There were children of the nobility who where married as infants and then never saw their spouse until said spouse’s funeral due to the ague or whatever.  Even the daughter of a simple gentleman might start feeling a bit alarmed if she hit 24 without any offers of marriage, but then her duty was to secure a suitable match.

The merchant, crafts, and agricultural classes were a bit different.  And by a bit different I mean they were entirely different.  A lot of this marry at first blink of puberty thing is part of the mythology that because the average age of death pre-1700 was about 35-40 that meant everyone died at forty.  What really happened was that most people lived to 70 and half of all children died.  Application of math tells us that if you add 70+0 and then divide by two the average death date is a bit misleading as a statistic.

The two most important things to people in a primarily agricultural culture is population numbers and food.  You need more population to grow more food and you need more food for your population.  There are other, more complicated factors such as the local nobility using the peasantry as cannon fodder, taxation, self-defense of the village, trying to avoid depopulation, but we’re going to skip that discussion.

Population is the big issue when it comes to marriage age, and let’s be honest.  When we pick a teenage marriage age the picture people have in their minds is a forty year old man and a sixteen year old girl.  This large age gap marriage mythology is a largely colonist era idea that means to depict sexual exploitation of children is natural and traditional for the purpose of corrupting men’s natural healthy instincts and discrediting cries of alarm from women.

But we’re not here to talk about politics, we’re here to talk about population.  For Western Europe marriage was for the purpose of creating a home, a social, emotional, and physical support system - children were an expected part of that.  However!  Even among women who chose not to get married, and there was at least one bastard born every year, they chose to have their children at an older age.

There are several issues about a woman’s body that could get in the way of a young marriage age.  First being that historically the first child a woman had usually died within a month, if the child was born alive at all due to a variety of issues like nutrition and stress on the woman’s body.  You know how everybody tells women not to carry things?  Well, European women didn’t always have that luxury.  The older a woman was, the more like she would be to be strong enough to lose less babies.

Second, poor nutrition can push back puberty, or at the very least menstruation.  This meant that many young ladies would only have superficial signs of puberty until they hit about sixteen, meaning that even if someone was going by some patriarchal conception of when a woman was marriageable, she’d only appear ‘on the market’ at sixteen, not be married by it.

Third, the woman’s body was insufficiently developed as a teenager, IE if she was sixteen or younger, her vagina would be smaller and her vaginal lining would be too thin  as the thickness therein is determined by the amount of estrogen in the system.  Usually the vaginal lining is not childbirth safe until the end of puberty, which depending on the female, is between 18-20.  People are good at picking up patterns.  They figured out pretty quick that women under eighteen tended to die during childbirth.  I won’t be graphic, suffice to say they bled to death.

Fourth, due to apprenticeships and occupations, many women were too busy to get married as teenagers.  Women had occupations other than some variation of mother or healer?!?  Yes, rhetorical question, they did!  If your last name was Baxter or Webster, not only do you descend from a woman who was a Master of her craft (baking or weaving respectively) but that one of your male ancestors took on her surname instead of the opposite.  Other female heavy professions were black smithing, silver smithing, accounting, leather working, agricultural labor (except wagonering and plowing - no innuendo intended - that was more of a man’s job since they would often have to travel), administratrix (more legal than a steward, more useful than a lawyer), ale wifing and brewing, knitting and lace working, and notary-ing.  Since having one or both of a couple having a craft occupation meant that their children would have a shoe in to a network of guilds it was of great benefit.  Additionally since many men traditionally worked the land or went to war, it meant that their family would be taken care of if something happened to his health.

So there you go!  Women generally started getting married after they finished their apprenticeships or when they reached about 20 and started having their own property and kept getting married until they were tired of it.

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