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I have finished books 1 and 2!

Granted they were in my pile of half-reads but I'm still happy I finished them. One of them was the last in a series and the other was the second in a trilogy.

The Born Queen by Greg Keyes and Shadow Dawn by Chris Claremont were the two. And there's part of me that's weirdly ashamed at how long it took me to pick them back up and finish them, but it's also a marker of just how incredibly fucked up I have been for since college.

Probably before/during college really, if I am being completely honest. I used to hide so much in books because I didn't feel I was allowed to really be the person I wanted to be. And to be honest, I sort of wasn't. Growing up the way I did, with all the societal and cultural crap that I had to pay attention to because if I didn't, Bad Things Happened. So I perfected the art of seeming perfect outside the house and being a quiet strange semi-feral hot mess inside of it.

It got better and also worse once I discovered the Internet and found honest and true friends and started to develop an actual personality other than just the things I knew to parrot back for reasons. I had thought that the way I was, the way life was was just the way it had to be until I was shown differently.

And this is all really deep and I want to come back and poke more at this because I have a feeling that my therapist will be ecstatic that I can put some of this into actual phrases and not just futile hand motions. But at the same point, I have a pile of books to get back to and so I'm putting a pin in this for the moment and diving back into my pile of reads.

Next is trade paperbacks of Dick Grayson's UTTER ridiculousness, so I am looking forward to that.

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Dorothy Joan Gray

May 2017

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